Since half of 2013 is now over & behind us, and oh so many things have gone so fucking wrong for me this year (I guess I can toss all my failures into the ‘at least I fucking tried something’ pile), I had decided I needed to write more this year, send more stuff (or anything) out to try to get some of my fiction published, and blah blah…I’ve basically been doing just the writing I do for work, and everything else is half-finished files sitting in a folder on my fucking computer. This is probably because I’m afraid of actually putting stuff out there.
So, a couple years back I wrote a novel, which has been sitting on a thumb drive in my purse pretty much since. This year I had imagined re-editing it and putting it out on Smashwords to just be done with it. It’s essentially my first novel, and is not without its problems. I wanted to cut some of the characters out, and in a way the whole thing needs a lot or work. But, it’s important to me in the way that I can’t stop thinking about it yet nothing ever gets done about it. Story of my life.
I had a pretty profound conversation this morning with a friend of mine, this conversation was about suicide. It led into the notion that if someone is so fucking willing to give up their own life, then why the fuck don’t they go devote their lives to something other than what they had been doing. Yes, my egocentric brain saw the ‘me’ in that and decided I need to kill the Andrea I don’t like. For the last week I’ve been feeling I need a ‘spiritual’ journey (by spiritual journey I mean drugs) to re-discover what I want from my life and to re-evaluate what it is that tethers me to this life.
Instead, I’ve decided to use the next six months better than the last. I started writing small passages of rewrites for that book I wrote, but today I realized that what I’m really doing is writing another story. So, that’s what I’m going to be working on for the next six months. Writing a story, here, for you. Hopefully at least one person will read it. Every Friday (at the very least) i’ll post a new segment. Even if no one reads this shit at least I’ll feel responsible for the deadlines I’ve set. So, the beginning will be posted this Friday, July 5th.